


Waterproof Pride

by EmpressJ



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Naruto
Genre: Anti-J.K.Rowling, Chaotic Game Play, Comedy, Crushes, Everyone Has Issues, Ex-friendships, Gryffindor chaos, Hyuuga clan tension, I try to be funny, Incompetent Slytherins, Lil Romance, Multi, Poor understanding of Quidditch rules, Quidditch, Smol Romance, Some Plot, Uchiha Sasuke Has Issues, rivalries, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:48:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26632387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmpressJ/pseuds/EmpressJ
Summary: "Holy fucking shit! Just when you thought Sakura Haruno couldn't get any hotter- ow!" Headmaster Tsunade threw a book down to Lee Jordan in the commentator stands. Shutting him up."No profanities stupid! You'll get me in trouble!" She shouts back. He waves back in apology cradling his head.********"The fuck Uchiha?!" He exclaims loudly. The rest of the team shut up, astonished at Neji's out of character behaviour. "The biggest crowd of the year for your flat ass and we're loosing to fucking Gryffindor? Gryffindor!"*********The constant monotone commentary was only making it worse; "Looks like that Slytherin will continue on there loosing streak. Predictable. The only people who bet on them are those who simp for Temari and for Sasuke."********Alternatively, Author puts best kids into the HP universe.
Relationships: Haruno Sakura & Rock Lee, Haruno Sakura & Tenten, Haruno Sakura & Uchiha Sasuke, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Not Super Platonic Haruno Sakura/Uchiha Sasuke, Rock Lee & Tenten, Uchiha Sasuke & Uzumaki Naruto
Kudos: 22





	Waterproof Pride

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMERS: I don't know shit about Quiditch or sports, I will be taking artistic liberties.
> 
> Respect and protect Trans people. And enjoy.

It was the first match of your season. The first match you'd played since fourth year so understandably you were a little antsy. The team with and without you were like two different entities. The changing room pre game hysteria was not foreign to you but it might as well have been with how disassociated you were. Watching it all happening, in the perspective of an outsider. 

Neji and Temari, the team captains sat side by side, deep in conversation about strategy that no one else in the room could be bothered to follow. Kin's invincible (illogical) confidence and Kankuro and Suigetso's infectious enthusiasm, vollying jokes and laughs off of each other filled the rest of the team with the same joy and strength that had them winning matches all last year with hopes of employing the same affect. All of them except you.

But this year, Slytherin hadn't won very many matches. This year Slytherin had dropped the ball when it came to Quidditch and even with the healthy confidence and positive attitude that this particular group of players had no one expected them to pick it up before you came back.

Some in their house would speculate that the brillinat tacticians, Neji and Temari had finally lost their edge without Sasuke Uchiha to put their plans into action and the dark reign of Slytherin had finally come to an end. 

While many others knew that the ravenclaw genius strategist Shikamaru Nara was behind all the unusual Ravenclaw wins now he's joined the team and others knew that the return of the seventh year student prodigy Darui to the position of captain that had solidified Hufflepuff wins for the year.

The majority of the student body however all put the balme on you and your absence. The star player, the Uchiha prodigy - the Snake King - just disappeared for the first three months of the school term. And only very few knew why.

You'd taken a sort of apprenticeship with a former potions teacher who many people around you had disapproved of. Especially your old Gryffindor friends. But they did not matter. No, not anymore. Not anymore. 

And now you are back.

And everyone has come to see you pick up your broom once again. 

Just ahead of Slytherin in the league table was Gryffindor who was still doing poorly as usual but much better this year as they were no longer at the bottom. You (and most others) suspect this is just another affect of your absence. 

You couldn't be more wrong.

In all honesty all the players on the Gryffindor team were extraordinarily talented. Most were more talented individuly then whole other teams but together they meshed poorly, couldn't execute even a half asses strategy from Idate Marino. Neji tells you all the new team captain Tenten, is one to look out for, she isn't a genius or much of a threat alone but somehow that team of idiots are crawling up the leaderboard step by step and leaving Slytherin in the dust. And it seems to burn Neji up inside.

There were two new team members for Gryffindor too. A Hyuuga, Neji's talented younger cousin Hanabi who was in first year. The second disgraced main branch Hyuuga who hadn't made it into Slytherin like their kin but was a Gryffindor like her disappointment of an elder sister as Neji would put it. You were told the kid was a gamble made by Tenten. One that had been astoundingly paying off.

Then there was Sakura Haruno. The new beater. Passionate, intelligent, diligent and very strong. That was all Neji had said about her before dropped the subject entirely. 

Suigetsu bets that with you back Gryffindor will loose. But then he's also laughing at your uncomfortable look whenever they mention Sakura's name.

"It's combination that has never lost," he all but roars over the buzz of chatter in the room. His foot on the bench and the attention of the rest definitely caught "My man Sasuke is the best Chaser in the School, the freakin' Snake King to return to the ring and destroy the competition." 

"And our two resident geniuses! Neji with the good hair and the fine as hell Temari, the love of my life." Suigetso finished gesturing over to the two sixth years who stared back with a bored look of disgust on their faces.

"My sister you dick head." Kankuro frowned, whipping his leg, still on the bench, with his cape repeatedly .

The noise from the crowds kept growing from outside. It sounded like the kind of energy only ever brought to an end of year match and it was all for you. You folded your arms and looked to the side, feigning unintrest.

"Don't get too cocky everyone, we haven't won yet" Temari called, leaning backwards, folding her leg over the other in her casul manner. 

"She's right." Neji said, standing up for his obligatory pre game speech. "The odds are more in our favour this match. The plan is perfect. We spent alot of time on it so stick to it exactly. Any deviations and I'll kick you off the team effective immediately with no remourse. So do your best."

Short and not very sweet. You hold in a snort. 

"That last part was for you two," Temari clarified pointing at Suigetso and Kankuro.

"What sis?" 

"Don't 'sis' me dumbass. I'm sick of loosing and you two are a problem." Temari glares, the two boys make a mock salute promising to fo their best.

Temari lines you all up ready to go. She pats you at the back, whispering in you ear before she moves to the front; "Do not fuck this up, okay." She smiles venomously adding yo your foul mood, you nod gruffly.

One by one the team takes to the skies, the Slytherin theme playing from the speakers. And then it's your turn, time to make your return to the skys. And so you fly up, up, up-

*

Your breathing heavy, wondering what kind of steroids the Gryffindor keeper is on. She moves like sound, she blocks every attempt your teams has made and worst of all she's smug about it. Neji said her name was Tenten, she was in his year but he didn't say much else.

With all the other players wizing above, below and around you, you were only paying attention to that cocky brat guarding the goals. Which in hindsight wasn't smart. 

The Gryffindor team manavors had improved tremendously. The chasers; Rock Lee, Kiba Inuzuka and if course Naruto (or as everyone referred to them as - the three idiots) were moving beyond most peoples perception. Rock Lee had alway been incredible but his defensive and offensive skills had all but manifested into something almost elegant and refined. He had fine tuned the role of a chaser down to an art. Naruto and Kiba had always played emotionally, aggressively but today that seemed to be working for them, chanelling those feeling into skill and backing up the rest of their team diligently. So now they were three more points up and Slytherin still had nothing. 

And those damn beaters. Idate and her. They worked together as well as a professional team. They were an ultimate defensive unit. Any time Neji even got close to the snitch a bludger would come flying out of nowhere blocking him. Idate was ridiculously quick and she was incredibly strong. Undoubtedly, better then Slytherins beaters to your absolute rage. How could she be smiling so much? Why is she even here? She was never even into Quiditch. She was always silent whenever you and Naruto would chatter animatedly about the game. Was she lying?It didn't add up- no. You quickly purge all those invasive thoughts, you were getting unnecessarily angry. She wasn't the problem, not this time.

Things were looking bad, Temari looked furious. You hadn't played a match that looked this hopless since first year. And the constant monotone commentary was only making it worse; "Looks like that Slytherin will continue on there loosibg streak. Predictable. The only people who bet on them are those who simp for Temari and for Sasuke." You cringed at the laughter, it was loud and adding to your growing headache.

The match goes on, you mange to score quite a few times in the 2nd hoop almost reaching a lead, but you had to resort to using tricks instead of Neji's carefully planed strategies to get past Tenten. 

But this leads to a development. Rock Lee the Gryffindor chaser swoops up from literally nowhere to aid his team mate, blocking your shot.

"What you can't do that, your a chaser ugly!" Suigetsu shouts gesturing aggressively.

"Actually he can fish boy, there are no rules against that, he just can't touch or go beyond the posts." Hayate chimes from behind the commentators.

Suigetsu holds up both his middle fingers to the guy, eliciting a string of boo's from the Hufflepuff side of the crowd.

The half time whistle blows and the teams gather in their respective corners of the pitch. 

The Gryffindor team is loud. Annoyingly so, you can hear Naruto shouting about already having won from the other side if the pitch.

Temari gives you a look. You turn away from her gaze only to receive the same look only more hateful from Neji. 

"The fuck Uchiha?!" He exclaims loudly. The rest of the team shut up, astonished at Neji's out of character behaviour. "The biggest crowd of the year for your flat ass and we're loosing to fucking Gryffindor? Gryffindor!"

You don't bother arguing when he's like this, even when your the one single handedly bringing up the Slytherin scores. Temari had warned you all he'd need someone to be angry at, playing against Hanabi. Family was a touchy subject for him. Him and everyone else on the team.

Everyone knows it's not worth fighting him, everyone except the team beater Kin.

She looked delighted. She was never too bothered about winning or loosing and she'd finnaly confirmed her theories about Neji secretly being aggressive jerk because in her words no man can be a nice person and attractive at the same time. She was convinced all men were trash and Neji just confirmed her ideals. Everyone else didn't dare laugh, smile or make a noise.

Neji doesn't shout, or scream but he's angry. He goes over the plan again, threatens Kankuro and Kin whose still laughing loudly, and sends everyone back out again.

Temari stops her glaring for a second to remind everyone to do their best as you mount your brooms again.

Kin flies in by your side, "Sasuke, I know that the new girls on the Gryffindor team are hot as fuck but we can't both be caught staring during the match okay?" She chuckles again elbowing you lightly, "Take one for the team and keep your eyes off pinky." You feel the heat creeping up your neck, she starts flying back a little to the group behind them before you could swat your arm out far enough to push her of her broom. You breath deeply, you skin was itching and your irritation growing tremendously. 

You all turn to see the Gryffindor team huddled in and holding each other tightly still. The whistle hadn't blown yet but whatever they were discussing still hadn't been wrapped up.

Several obnoxious team chants latter and you were all back in the air. The formations of both teams had changed. Slytherin had gone into their new delta formation - it was a gamble, designed to get past any defence while Gryffindor was doing something... dumb.

Their beaters had split up. Sakura is now beside Lee in a defensive position, which doesn't remind you of first year when Lee stalked Sakura and confessed his undying love for your (at the time) close friend. Not at all. Idate was keeping a close eye on Neji. But by himself how much of a threat could he be?

Apparently quite the threat. 

From an analytical stand point the Gryffindor team had literally just scattered their players around and went crazy. But it was working? And you couldn't think why. Their seeker Hanabi, Neji's cousin, was darting around hot on his heels. Bludgers flying around them both trying to knock them off their brooms. She's definitely a threat. But Neji can handle it, you're sure.

Suigetsu make a shot, a good one, Tenten is looking elsewhere and the goal post was open but once again out of nowhere, Rock Lee appears blocking it. He smiles smugly and waves to the cheering Gryffindor stands making your knuckles turn white as you grip your broom tighter. Kankuro flies past holding a bludger. In a fit of rage you grab it from him hitting it right at Rock Lee's unassuming stupid face. 

"The fuck? SASUKE!" Neji screams from above.

Just before it made contact he looked up upon hearing Neji yell but it was too late for him. 

But apparently not for Sakura, she flew up from beside the keeper hitting the bludger with a audible thwack. The entire stadium echoed with the noise of her hit as the bludger flew so far back it seemed as if it reached past the castle.

"Holy fucking shit! Just when you thought Sakura Haruno couldn't get any hotter- ow!" Headmaster Tsunade threw a book down to Lee Jordan in the commentator stands. Shutting him up. 

"No profanities stupid! You'll get me in trouble!" She shouts back. He waves back in apology cradling his head. 

Sakura smirked swinging her bat around loosely. Your mouth dropped agape before she turned to you catching you staring. She winked cheekily, her coy smile shining, you felt your face redden under her gaze. It was utterly horrifying.

It'd almost be funny, how much she's changed, how your roles had reveresed if it wasn't so humiliating. 

"You're lucky she hit that." Knakuro said before the impressed cheers from the audience died dow. "If that hit Lee, you and maybe the whole team would have been disqualified." You grunt in response flying higher up to avoid Temari who was flying up towards you to say the same thing except angrier.

You can hear them laughing, chatting from below you, praising her and likley laughing at you. 

Sakura was never interested in Quiditch. From what you remember she was only ever interested in you. You are sure. Positively sure, you used to be close. Used to be friends. You used to know her, and how she'd stay quite every time the conversation turned to the wizarding sport. At that time the wizarding world was still a lot for her to absorb, but she's different now, incredibly different. So really what do you know now? Nothing? 

But it doesn't matter. Instead you focus on getting points. You must have made forty attempts at the goal posts in this new formation, Suigetso and Juugo must've made forty more. Only a pathetic 10 shots got in. But at least you had reached a lead over Gryffindor.

Still couldn't whipe the smug look of Sakura, Lee and Tentens face. The three of them seemed to be irritating you a lot. Especially when they eventually stopped taking the match so seriously. They even started dancing. Sakura and Lee teaching Tenten another one of those South Korean muggle pop dance routine.

Pissing you off for so many reasons. So you moved further up the court, gesturing for Juugo to cover where you were before which was probably a mistake because-

"Sasuke!!" Oh, oh of course.

"Ha ha! Sasuke!" Naruto yelled out now that you were much closer to him. The blonde waved and stuck out his tongue as if that would have elicited any kind of reaction from you at all. It didn't. It just made you angry and Naruto proberbly knew that.

"Hey Sasuke!!" He shouts again, "Gryffindor is going to beat you no matter what you hear me!!" 

From the way half his team was acting you weren't so sure but instead of letting him aggravate you more like you might have before the summer you make an effort to ignore him and fly higher up. But even then Naruto makes two pretty well timed shots to your keeper Temari's absolute fury. There's no wonder people call you and him rivals. You watch Suigetsu and Juugo loose more shots then you probably would've in their position, but they get one good one in and at this point the match is so close to ending there is absolutely no way Gryffindor can catch up now. 

But then the whistle blows. You look down. The two Hyuuga seekers lying there in the grass, brooms discarded. Both Team captains, Tenten and Temari are there in an instant checking for injuries. Temari raises a hand letting them know a medic is not required. This means one of them must have the snitch. The rest of the teams fly down to see whose won. 

Neji sits up slowly, clearly a little brusied and broken. Temari is careful, checking first that he's okay but then, viciously prying open both his fists to see if the snitch is hidden there.

"Hanabi!" The other Hyuuga girl is running across the pitch with her Gryffindor scarf flowing behind her after jumping down from the incredibly tall stands at full speed. She kneels down at her sister side knocking Naruto and Kiba - two of her closest friends - onto the ground and out of her way unapologetically.  
"Mmmm." Hanabi groans sitting up carefully. 

"Oh thank heavens." Hinata cries out clutching her sisters hand, smiling in her relief.

The Gryffindor seeker pales, her hands rushing to her throat as if to hold back the incoming-

Snitch? 

"She's got the snitch! Yo that's kinda gross but Hanbi Hyuuga recives 150 points for Gryffindor!" Lee Jordan yells trying his best over the back roar of the rabid Gryffindor's chanting 'Hyuuga' over and over again in the stands. 

Temari drops the fragile Neji back onto the floor devestated and lays down by his side in despair. The rest of the team (except Juugo) are also on the floor but not because they lost but in violent fit of uncontrolable laughter at the ridiculous fact that the Hyuuga girl swollowed the snitch. Those idiots could laugh at anything.

And you just stood there watching the Gryffindor team celebrate five feet away from you. Tenten pumping her fist in the air and Lee screaming and jumping holding onto her for dear life. Kiba doing backflips on his broom. You looked over and saw that stupid smug look on Idate Morinos face staring right back at you and then right behind them there was your old friend Naruto, he was spinning Sakura in the air, his hands on her waist, on her back. She wasn't even punching him, or getting angry and that was making you angry. She wasn't angry at all, she was laughing, smiling and then she picked him up and did the same thing to him. 

And after seeing all that you felt sick yourself.

*

**Author's Note:**

> Hey 👋🏽  
> I wrote this a LONG time ago for fun. I just had this idea floating around my head of an incompetent quiditch team being incredibly successful and no one understanding why. They just make it work. 
> 
> I thought it would be interesting to explore and change some of my favourite dynamics in Naruto proper in a less tense environment i guess. So I made Temari and Neji best friends, Neji is rivals with Tenten instead of Lee, Idate Morino from the fillers thrives on watching Sasuke suffer, Suigetsu and Kankuro are friends and Kin (the irrelevant sound genin who made Sakur cut her hair) is a chaotic lesbian etc. 
> 
> When I planned this out I went overboard and planned out a whole backstory and characterisation for everyone in this universe so if there are questions about things vaguely mentioned in this, there are probably answers to them i just didn't include them.
> 
> I probably won't continue this and leave it as a one shot but I really loved writing this, and I think it was an interesting take on the Naruto kids. I MAY write something else in this universe but that will depend on inspirations timing.
> 
> Please enjoy. Please be kind. Thanks :)
> 
> *
> 
> P.S for anyone interested, these are the teams 
> 
> Gryffindor:  
> Chasers - Lee, Naruto, Kiba  
> Beaters - Sakura, Idate Morino  
> Keeper - Tenten (Team captin)  
> Seeker - Hanabi Hyuuga (first year)
> 
> Ravenclaw:  
> Chasers - Shikamaru (Team Captain), Zaku, Dosu (Final year)  
> Beaters - Sai, Konohamaru  
> Keeper - jirobo  
> Seeker - Kimimaru (Final year)
> 
> Hufflepuff:  
> Chasers - Darui (Team Captin, is in final year, trying to go pro), Chōjūrō, Utakata  
> Beaters - Choji, Kurotsuchi  
> Keeper - Karui  
> Seeker - Omoi 
> 
> Slytherin:  
> Chasers - Sasuke, Suigetsu, Juugo  
> Beaters - Kankuro, Kin (sound nin)  
> Keeper - Temari (Co-Team captain)  
> Seeker - Neji (Co-Team captain)


End file.
